The Clown With The One-Legged Man

By Ratna Indraswari Ibrahim

Tom, you do still remember, don’t you, when Mr Clown’s mother passed away (the clown we’ve loved since we were children), how throngs of people arrived to pay their respects. At the time we were just ten years old.

In a corner of the house I came across Mr Clown anxiously wiping his tears away. I tell you those tears were like fragrant jasmine blossoms falling one by one!

I was transfixed!

After that event (which has always been an obsession of mine), many years later I bumped into Mr Clown again quite by accident on the journey coming home to Malang from Jakarta by train. We sat next to each other. Straight away he knew who I was.

Mr Clown smiled at me.

***

Tom, this is something I’ve never told you about. Whenever I’m alone, I feel like I can see Mr Clown’s tears again.

On the train a few people approached and greeted Mr Clown. (They seemed to be smiling, some even laughed and giggled). But I knew Mr Clown wasn’t trying to be funny. After the group had gone, Mr Clown turned to me. I was reading a book.

“I’m happy. I see you like to read!”

“Do you read too?”

“Well, I read whenever I have the opportunity.”

“Sorry but in every performance that I have seen, Mr Clown is only ever playing a stupid old servant!”

“Yes, I am old and only every play the same tired role. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need to read books. To me the role doesn’t just represent ignorance, but a way we can laugh at ourselves. It’s difficult because our egos hide our weaknesses from us, so it takes courage for us to neutralize our ego.”

Me, Ona, a young woman, twenty-two years old, saw it and I said, “I am going to study with you over the semester break. I’m fed up with studying knowledge at college.”

“I enjoy chatting with you.”

***

Tom, then he fell asleep on the long journey. I have no idea why I am only now telling you as honestly as I can about Mr Clown.

Clown woke up again. “That was a very good sleep. Have we arrived in Jogja yet? You know, we played a show in this town once. But not many people turned up because at another venue there was music from Jakarta. A few of my friends were sad and said, we’re too old to be popular with the young people. When we saw there were only a few people sitting in the audience we all suddenly felt sad and cried together. When things go wrong, the show must go on! Even so, on that occasion the audience roared laughing.

The sound of their laughter was amazing. Even though at the time the father of one of our friends the week before had passed away, his performance was still amazing. He was the one who really fired up the audience’s laughter.”

Tom, it hurt me to hear how the story ended. I can imagine all this time how everything he performed on the stage just flowed.

“So, you have always acted?”

“To act like that I had to study very hard. Even though I never thought of becoming a comedian who had to understand a philosophy of life. At the time, I just substituted for a more senior actor who was sick and I did that with the enthusiasm of a young person trying to establish their identity. Because everyone in the village knew that my father had just wanted to marry and had never cared about the children produced from his marriage. Most of my childhood was filled with sadness, loneliness, and the constant longing for a father who was able to spend time with me.

It was only years later that I found such a figure, my father’s cousin. He had come home after a traffic accident that left him with one leg. From him I learned how a person can look at the weaknesses of every human being with patience. One way is through being funny.

It was only through him I realized that you have to study how to be funny!”

Before I could ask another question, once again a large group of people crowded around Mr Clown, roaring with laughter. Then I noticed Mr Clown wanted to leave. “I’m going to the toilet.” The crowd laughed again. Mr Clown scuttled off toward the toilet.

By then I was becoming sleepy. Suddenly I could hear Mr Clown breathing, and I said slowly, “Mr Clown, are you acting now?”

“I’m sleepy. I haven’t been able to sleep for almost two nights. It’s a simple wish, isn’t it?”

“Ona, if you like, I can teach you to be a female comedian who doesn’t seem stupid. It’s not going to be easy. But I know. You can do it.”

I shook my head at the time.

I was studying accounting, and he said this, “Being a comedian isn’t just being a laughing machine. It’s learning to balance the left and right brains and how to make others feel entertained. That’s a difficult thing to learn. It takes commitment and hard work.”

“I know, but I feel it’s not necessary to be part of that world.”

Mr Clown nodded his head and said this, “If there were no more comedians left in the world, what would happen then? Would we just have to study medicine, mathematics, and today’s weather? Can’t the world of comedy be thought of as a form of entertainment that liberates us, since there are already so many nightclubs, and dreams woven by businessmen in the shape of soap operas?”

“Ona, over the last few years, I haven’t seen people telling jokes anymore. It’s as if it’s taboo, inefficient, or ineffective. Because the shape of the modern world is only people working hard, people pursing their lips. They have forgotten the telling of jokes, even children studying in elementary school can’t laugh any longer because the burden of school is too heavy.”

What he said was so heavy, but when I gazed into his face, he wasn’t acting. Then Mr Clown continued his tale. “My four children do not wish to be like myself. You know yourself. After leaving high school they went to college in the city and rarely come home. None of my children’s friends know their friend’s father is a comedian. I once heard the story at my son’s boarding house that whenever I appear on television, they never want to watch me.

I know, they can never be proud of me the way their friends are proud of their fathers, especially because my role in the world of comedy is often as a servant who always has a tea towel on his shoulder and who always looks stupid! The audience wants to see me like that offstage. If it weren’t like that, it would be weird, wouldn’t it? It would be to tear up their dreams. You know one time when my son was cleaning up his room at his boarding house, he put a tea towel on his shoulder. A friend who came into the room said, ‘Doni, you’re as stupid as that comedian (and he mentioned my name).’ My son was dumbfounded at the time. He said this, “That is my father! He might be an idiot, but he’s not like your father the government official.”

“Mr Clown, being a comedian is a job that calls for a balance between reason and feeling, and you sir, are not corrupt or any other kind of criminal.”

Mr Clown did not answer but he did look uneasy, and then we both fell silent.

Dear Tom, I told Mr Clown that what he was doing was courageous, even if being a clown didn’t hold a place of respect in today’s society.

Mr Clown confirmed what I was saying and went on to say this. “There is nothing to be proud about being a comedian today, it would be better to continue your studies and become an accountant as you want, because being someone who’s the opposite of other people really isn’t easy, especially as everyone today has the same ambition. Anything outside that is thought of as madness.”

“But, Mr Clown, you’re happy existing like this, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know, Ona. Is it like when you smoke and it’s become a set routine, a fixed habit, or is there something more, popularity and money.”

I wanted to say something else, but Mr Clown’s life was like the needle of a clock moving in the opposite direction. He had to leave for home straight away, and in just a few hours from then he would have to go on stage in the next town.

***

Tom, you must think I’m all messed up! Actually, it’s not that. A few of mom’s friends have offered me a job when I finish my college degree. I am lucky, aren’t I! Several of my seniors who have graduated don’t have a job yet, let alone what I’m looking for! A month ago, our parents discussed confirming our relationship by us being married. Then what else is there? I would have achieved everything a young woman dreams of.

My dear Tom, but since meeting Mr Clown, my dreams have become run wild, gone round in circles. So, I would rather think over the life we’ve dreamed of together, working in some institution from nine to five, having two healthy, adorable children and a cute house, with a car that can take us anywhere we want to go.

***

Then at one o’clock that night we talked about the world of comedians, at the time we laughed together! And suddenly when we arrived in Malang I wanted to study about comedy in its fullness. So we agreed to find a comfortable place where Mr Clown could convey the whole of his knowledge about comedy to me. For days, until the third month, in a marathon day and night I studied the essence of life from the world of comedy. And finally, Mr Clown said, “You have achieved a portion of my knowledge.”

I knew what he meant. He would surrender it entirely. So that day I steeled myself to absorb all of that knowledge. Because we were two different bodies both from our social and educational backgrounds. We merged that by sleeping together so that it became two compounds becoming one.

After that we never saw each other again!

Malang, 4 February to 31 March 2010

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The Clown With The One-Legged Man by Ratna Indraswari Ibrahim was retrieved from Klown dengan Lelaki Berkaki Satu.

Featured image credit: Ludruk Karya Budaya, Mojokerto, by Ulet Ifansasti